And other tales from my time in the Pandemic
Working from home comes with it’s problems. Whilst sitting at my desk I looked down, saw movement and took action. Screaming, I kicked my swivel chair back to get away from whatever the beastie was. It looked huge! I knocked over a clothes horse, fell off the seat and quickly crawled to safety. Turns out the source of the movement was actually the draw string on my pyjama trousers.
If I seem a little awkward today its because I’m not sure if my underpants are inside out or not
Been working on my music into the night. Think I’ve got crooner virus
Just learnt from Netflix that if the molecules in your hand were the size of marbles then your fist would be the size of the earth. No more info needed. That fact alone has made the subscription worth while.
My Living Room is also an Office, Recording Studio and a Bar. Latest problem I have is that the Beer Machine keeps farting loudly as it keeps the beer carbonated. This means when recording a song I need to wait for the Beer Machine to fart and then start to sing frantically to get the recording completed before the Beer Machine farts again. I’m currently trying to record a very sensitive love song about depression, redemption and people being there for you. Last recording sounded like an Irish Horse Racing Commentary over a Silent Movie Piano Track interrupted by a loud fart and then me swearing a lot. The Beer Machine Stays. My Music Career will just have to deal with it!
Bearing in mind we’re in lockdown so I do tend to get up late. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock this morning to see if I could go back to sleep. It read 77:37. I closed my eyes to do the calculation and the figures registered. What the…?! It was actually 11:31. Geez! I got up.
Grrr Just spent a good part of the evening trying to remove a large stubborn iceberg from the back of my Beer Fridge.
Think I’ve found a new hobby. Drinking Tenesee Whisky and listening to the Blues
I’ve just wasted a dream trying to figure out how use a mobile phone that doesn’t exist
During a night of sobriety to prove to myself that I don’t need to drink to isolate, I’ve just opened my freezer door which is flush with my floor and jammed it onto my toes. I would say a tiny layer of skin only a few mm in diameter was removed from one toe. The screams and swearing were somewhat disproportionate. If you’d have heard me you’d have sworn both my legs had fallen off and I’d landed on my balls. All good now. Sipping a cup of mint tea and reading Ant Middleton’s book about the mindset of those in the Special Forces.
Following tonight’s lock down announcement, me and my good friend Jack Daniel’s would just like to say, “Yerfralaganhalagancaneaforfoo! Hic!”
It occurred to me this morning that I’d have to train like an Olympian for a month just to get out of bed the way I used to. Back in the day, as the Alarm ripped into the silence like an Air Raid Siren, I’d sweep the quilt from the bed, leap onto my feet and bound across the room to hit the Snooze Button. These days I wake up to Alexa reminding me to take my pills. I generally hang onto furniture and the walls groaning like a casualty as I shuffle round my flat for the first half hour until my legs get properly under me.
I have literally just woken up from this dream … My eldest daughter Kat was a toddler again and I’d bought her a skirt. Quite by accident the pattern and material of the skirt exactly matched our Living Room curtains. Next thing Kat was stood right in front of those curtains with her new skirt on shouting, “Mum! I can’t feel my legs!”
Latest from the supermarket shelves… Toilet Roll out of stock, Hand Sanitiser, out of stock, Sex and Pleasure Aids, full range, fully stocked. The vibe seemed to be, you may die but you could die happy.
Click here to see other posts and videos about my time in the army and my ridiculous lockdown hair and even more ridiculous lockdown haircut.
Like, Share and Subscribe
Please support this page by hitting the Like and re-blogging or sharing through Social Media using the buttons below. If you scroll to the bottom of the page you can also leave a comment and subscribe to the blog to receive automatic updates whenever I post.