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Adventure Beer Comedy Humour Life and Wellbeing Military Peace

I’ve Rolled The Rover Over… Over…

On the weekend where we celebrate 100 years of the Royal Corps Of Signals, I reflect on the 10% of that time I served among her ranks.

Remembrance Day 2019

We crouched in silence in the shadows, in the darkness on the remote ridge above a small country village. Soon the sound we were hoping for started to grow louder as a helicopter approached. This was our lift home and a rare commodity in these parts. As the helicopter made it’s final descent towards us we were blasted in the powerful downdraft from the rotars. I lost my balance and fell over. Then my backpack blew away down the hill. I got up and chased down the hill after it. Suddenly everyone was scattering in all directions and the helicopter promptly lifted off and disappeared. The area my backpack and I were heading towards was mined. The irony is that the mines were there to protect us. This was one of my final actions in the Signals. I think they were glad to be rid of me.

I’m at the back in the centre. Back when I had black hair and weighed a lot less. Trade Training Catterick Garrison 1985

I didn’t join the Signals. I joined the Royal Corps of Transport but after just 5 hours behind the wheel of a vehicle I was banned from ever driving anything and shipped out to the Signals in Catterick Garrison. There was a recommendation to issue me a truck as a weapon of mass destruction.

There were only a few times I found myself facing disciplinary action and they were all for losing things. My ID Card and my Arms Card and then there was the time on exercise when, in the space of 5 minutes, I lost everything except the clothes I stood up in.

I’d been lying in a shell scrape in the woods in the dark. A truck pulled up and we were all told to take our backpacks and load them into it. I decided to leave what’s called my fighting order, or webbing, in the shell scrape. This was against the rules but I figured no one would notice in the dark. On my way towards the truck I heard someone else being screamed at for doing the same so I put my backpack down and headed back to my shell scrape to get my webbing. I couldn’t find my shell scrape. I went back for my backpack but couldn’t find it either. In the end up the entire Platoon had to search the woods for my gear.

I’m front row far right. On exercise in Catterick 1986

As to driving, although I was banned, it didn’t stop me. In Northern Ireland we had been working all night and the guy I was working with was driving tired so he asked if I was able to drive. I said yes though still a learner. We swapped seats and he went to sleep. A short time later he was awoken by me screaming, “How do I f’ng slow down?!” as we screamed towards an Army Checkpoint. I don’t think he was able to sleep for about a month after that.

Then there was the time I did the shower run on Exercise in Norway. This time I did manage to stop but the Rover skidded and nudged the corner of the shower tent. As terrified people ran for their lives I had created the worst possible scenario. Wet naked soldiers running about in the snow in the Arctic.

I also crashed a 2 Man Sailing Boat on Lake Chimsee in Germany (West Germany at that time). Due to my inexperience at sailing I’d been told to drop my sails and row into the harbour. Instead I went in under full sail at very high speed from the centre of the lake. The last thing I saw before impact with the harbour wall was a wee guy screaming, “Achtung!” at me and waving frantically. The impact launched several of his paddle boats right out of the water.

I’ll just finish with a story I’m often reminded of when I meet the guys I served with at 7 Sigs in West Germany. I had been training for a Boxing Competition at the time which involved about 6 weeks of constant training and significant dieting. The OC Squadron decided to give the team a pep talk in the last few hours before the competition but I was absent. As soon as I had got off the scales from the final weigh in I made a B-Line for downtown and was in a local Schnel Imbis cramming in some Gyros and Chips before the fight.

Gyros and Chips gave me a mean left hook. 7 Sigs Boxing Competition, Herford, West Germany, 1988

I wish all the best to everyone who’s served past and present. The very nature of the job meant there were dark times and scary times but there were so many good times. I count my decade in the Signals as one of the best of my life and those who served with me as family. I’m proud to have served even if it was possibly a safer place after I left.

Sergeant’s Mess RAF Brize Norton 1992

Click here to see other posts and videos about my imaginary girlfriend, how I managed to fall out of the window whilst Self Isolating and the giant vagina I thought I’d found in The Louvre.

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Blogging Comedy Humour Life and Wellbeing Self Isolation Songs Writers

Spot The Difference

As soon as I sat down to start filming I realized my mistake

The picture from Track 1 of the Music Video

I am currently trying to film a Music Video for an EP of love songs I’m recording. I recorded the video for the first track last week. In order to make the whole thing look like it was done during the one night, I went to the trouble of looking out and washing the T-shirt I had on last week. Then I set up the lighting to look exactly the same as it had done last week. As soon as I actually sat down to record however I spotted my mistake.

The picture from Track 2 of the video supposedly only a few minutes later

During the weekend I inflicted a wicked haircut upon myself. So now my choice is to either wait 3 months until my hair grows back or re-record track 1.

Check out the haircut here.

Check out my video of Track 1, The Power Of smile. If you like the music, please Like and Subscribe to my Youtube Channel and this Blog.

The Power Of Smile, the first track I recorded for my new EP

Click here to see other posts and videos about my imaginary girlfriend, how I managed to fall out of the window whilst Self Isolating and the giant vagina I thought I’d found in The Louvre.

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Christian Life and Wellbeing Mental Health Military Peace Politics Religion

About Our Ancestors

March to change the future because, no matter our actions, we cannot change the past.

Our ancestors are dead. Their lives are done and cannot be undone. My belief is that they have already atoned for the wrongs in their lives through the judgement of God. My hope is that they are at peace. My sadness is that, in their name, we are not.

Race, football team, colour of skin or sexual identity have never been factors in the respect I offer every human being. I was brought up to respect people and I have learnt that respect tends to be received as it is given. Such is my belief in the right of everyone to freely be who they are that I risked my own life to defend that freedom.

I refuse to take responsibility or apologize for what was done before my time. Instead, I believe history is something we can learn from. Sure we can topple statues, burn books and march on the streets for justice. But march to change the future because, no matter our actions, we cannot change the past. There is no point in trying to deny or erase it.

You may wish to reply to this and I have no issue with that. Just remember, if you do, that respect is given as it is received. Choose your words carefully. Every word you speak cost the lives and huge sacrifice of our ancestors. Yours and mine.

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Art Blogging Comedy Humour Life and Wellbeing Pictures Self Isolation

Lockdown Locks

Time to face my fears and expose my head to the shears.

The ‘Before’ Picture
The ‘Just Before’ Picture
If your clippers battery runs out now, self isolate for 3 months!
Maybe I should have just kept it long.
Hope it’s ok at the back…

Click here to see other posts and videos about my imaginary girlfriend, how I managed to fall out of the window whilst Self Isolating and the giant vagina I thought I’d found in The Louvre.

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Life and Wellbeing Mental Health Mental Health Recovery Music New Music Songs Writers

The Power Of Smile

This is a song I wrote about depression and it goes out to anyone who has suffered or is suffering. The song is especially dedicated to those amazing people of light who are able to reach into the darkness and help. The power that radiates from a smile is truly amazing as are those who smile and can reach you with it. I hope those people in my life know who they are and how blessed I feel to know them.

You always seem to smile when I’m around

You can hear the rest of my music on YouTube here

The songs I have made videos of
My recording studio showing yamaha keyboard and lenovo PC
Click on the image to view my music profile, listen to my playlist or order music for your project

Stream or Buy my Music on all major streaming Platforms including Amazon and Spotify

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Art Beer Blogging Comedy Humour Poetry

I Tried To Self Isolate But Fell Out Of The Window

The calamitous tale of my Self Isolation during Covid-19 … and other things…

Before Lockdown
This morning

This is the story about how I tried to Self Isolate but fell out of the window. I was trying to copy the Italians and sing on my balcony but I don’t have a balcony. My story contains the only fart protected by Copyright that I am aware of. There’s also the time I allegedly downloaded porn onto my work PC and it escaped onto the Network. For one incredible day, naked girls were dancing on PC Screens all over the factory. There’s also the love poem to my imaginary girlfriend. She has false teeth, snores like a bison and has a bosom that would break your fall from 50 feet. I could go on but really you should just click the playlist and watch through through. You’ll love it! If you do, remember to like and subscribe to my YouTube Channel.

Back when I had short hair…